Drug are not for me

I don't take drugs.  I have prescriptions but nothing that would be called a drug, nothing that is recreational.  It's just not my thing.  Also, I'd be scared to death that I'd get caught and that just wouldn't work.  First, I'd have to admit it, then I'd have to take the punishment so I just don't go there.

I did take 2 muscle relaxers 5 years ago or so.  I'd hurt my back and took what was prescribed.  I had no idea I could be so funny.  I should have tried out for some comedy special because I had my family and friends in tears.

For a recent procedure I told the nurse my story and she skipped the semi-recreational drugs and went with the moderate sedation instead.  I can now say with full disclosure that I don't do well with anesthesia either.  Not only was I funny but strangely enough I was not able to make consecutive steps forward!  Where did that come from?  I understand I had to be pushed to the car because one step forward and two steps back just wasn't getting me there.

I tried to give directions to get home.  They were accurate though I pointed in the opposite direction.  Do you believe the finger or the words?  Also, I looked in the right direction.  Confusing.

Lastly, I learned I give all the information someone might like.  I regaled the nurse in some detail with stories of my dad's desire (or fear as the case may be) of having colon cancer, I had a lucid moment and turned to my daughter to say, Oh no, now I'm going to have to tell mom what I said.

Oh, and for those who don't know, I just love Welch's Apple Juice.  I know this because I told my family perhaps 300 times during a 30 minute drive home just how wonderful it was.

At the end of the day I may not be the poster child for drug use but I am the poster child for telling everything you know when you are under the influence.  If I could only remember what I said.

Long live Texas!

Don't

You just can't make stuff up like this!

While visiting with a doctor friend he related a story from his early years.  He was in the room during a colonoscopy when the patient, a 30 something female who was kind of bumpkin, reached back to swat at the wand, then said "Bobby, I told you we ain't doing that!"  My friend said it was several minutes before they could proceed since they were laughing so hard.  Then as everything calmed, someone in the room wondered what was Bobby trying to do?  Inquiring minds....  I wonder if that lady got a discount for entertainment?

My mom always told me in a tone that only mothers can command, "that's nasty.  Don't put your fingers back there."  I believed her and all these years later follow that same premise.  Now I wonder will I tell the doctor "that's nasty" when it's my time?

Mothers are founts of information and don'ts.  Don't pick your nose.  Don't eat it.  Don't wipe that on your arm!  Don't say that word.  Don't run in the street.  Don't play with that.  The don'ts are endless.

Looking back I think they are also on the money.  LOL  The wisdom of mothers is beyond explanation.  Thank goodness I've got one that taught me the don'ts and yes, I've passed them on to my children.

Long live Texas!